Not This Time
by Meridas
Summary: His name is Alonso... and he isn't what Jack's stupid, lonely heart was hoping for.


_Spoilers up through Children of Earth, Day Five, and DW The End of Time. Minor language and implied m/m relationship. (Torchwood: can't that just be assumed?)_

* * *

An unorthodox message, an exchange of salutes, an old, familiar dance of words and glances with the young man suddenly beside him, and then Jack found himself with what could maybe, just maybe, be the light at the end of an endlessly long, unbearably dark tunnel. _(It could, of course, still be the train, and he held that thought as firmly in his mind as the stupid, stupid hope clung to his heart.)_

Jack grinned — it felt like an old, familiar mask slipping into place: rather painful, in fact, but at the same time his heart was pounding harder than it had in months. He drained his drink and tossed a handful of credits onto the bar. With a raised eyebrow, he nodded toward the door. The young sailor — Alonso — smiled and trotted along after him. Jack's head buzzed in a way that alcohol couldn't give him anymore, but instead of becoming muddled, everything was regaining clarity.

Once they'd stepped out of the loud, colorful club, Jack pulled Alonso by the arm through the nearest plain steel door. The hallway he found there was deserted.

Immediately Jack turned to Alonso. "Okay," he said quickly. "Don't get the wrong idea, but I need to talk to the Doctor as soon as possible. Where's the TARDIS?"

Alonso blinked at him. He frowned slightly. "The… what?"

"The Doctor," Jack repeated, that desperate, painful, irrepressible hope pounding in his chest. "Where is he, where'd he drop you off?"

"Drop… Oh, that man… the Time Lord? He saved the ship, just called himself the Doctor?" Jack nodded vigorously, unable to speak. "Um, no," Alonso denied quickly. "I didn't travel here with him. Actually, he and Mr. Copper trasmatted off my ship to Earth a few days ago…"

Jack stared at him as he babbled on. "He's not here," he cut through. "He's gone." The full weight of the sadness in those brown eyes hit Jack like a sucker punch. "He's… but then he… that was goodbye."

Alonso was staring at him. "I don't… I don't follow you."

Jack felt his legs tremble, and he gave in and slid down the wall as his very last shred of hope crumbled and drifted away like so much ash. "He's gone," he said hollowly. "Regenerating. He'll be gone, again, and… and he can't bring him back." Jack laughed mirthlessly. He looked up at Alonso. "That bastard," he added calmly.

Alonso frowned in bewilderment.

Jack heaved out a sigh that broke somewhere and came out sounding like a sob. "That bastard," he repeated. "He couldn't even say it to my face, he has to push some other human _kid_ into my way, like that can make it better…"

The kid in question crouched down next to Jack, looking bemused. "What's the matter?"

Jack managed a twist of a smile, even though tears were clouding his eyes again. He sighed. "Sorry." He lifted a shaking hand and scrubbed at his face. "It's just… you've got blue eyes." He chuckled again, an empty sound. "He probably thought that that helps. See, I used to have a real thing for blue eyes. No offense to you, Alonso, but… that'll be a long time coming back." He dropped his head away from Alonso's blue eyes, unable to see them because the blue in his memory shone so much brighter. "If ever."

The bemused mariner took a seat next to Jack, back against the wall. "No offense taken. I'm just not sure I follow you at all."

Jack let his head fall back with a _thunk_. "I lost somebody," he said roughly. "A few months back, now… well, six months, or a year, depending on how you see it…" He swallowed hard. Damn, he shouldn't have left that bar after all. "Alonso, I'm not even slightly psychic—" he laughed mirthlessly. "If I were, I might not've screwed things up so royally with him. I got a note with your name on it," he confessed. "The Doctor steered you and me together to tell me a few things. One, that I can't get…" he almost choked. "I can't get him back. The one I lost. Two, that I need to remember my damn duty to the Earth. And three…" He sighed again. "Three is that the Doctor's dying, too, damn him." He looked over at Alonso. "Ultimately…" he produced the note from his pocket and held it up so the boy could see the message. "This is telling me to move on."

Then he stood up and let the slip of paper fall from his hand. "And you're cute, Alonso, but I'm sorry. I don't think I can do that this time. Not yet." He pulled his coat around him and started to walk away from the boy, from the music and lights and life pouring out from the bar behind him. That drink wasn't worth it. If he couldn't have who he wanted, he'd take solitude. "See you around," he called over his shoulder. "Or, most likely… not."

"Captain," he heard the kid call after him. He stopped, and looked back over his shoulder.

"Can I just ask," Alonso began respectfully. "The man you lost… what was his name?"

Jack closed his eyes. "Jones," he whispered. "Ianto Jones."

He walked away, and didn't look back again.

_~fin~_


End file.
